i BELiEVE THAT LOVERS SHOULD BE CHAiNED TOGETHER, THROWN iNTO A FiRE WiTH THEiR SONGS AND LETTERS... AND LEFT THERE TO BURN iN THEiR ARROGANCE.

But once you knew a girl, and you named her lover, and you danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer.

I just love how life plays tricks like that.
The way it writes songs about your life.
The way people steal your MSN names.
The way that it's New Years Eve tommorow....
...And I'm sick as a dog.
The way he wants you to be there.
The way you hate him for it.
The way people are always too busy these days.
The way that all of a sudden, what would never happen to you is happening.

iF THE HEART RiPS, THEN TEAR iT.

It's happened a lot. Someone will say "What are you so afraid of?"
Funny you should ask.
I'm afraid of getting my heart broken. I'm afraid of spending another two years wishing and building up hopes and then just breaking again. I'm afraid that if I let myself fall as hard as I did that one time, I'll never get out of it. The three words that sum up that entire two years are FONDLE FUCK FORGIVE. Of course, the forgiving was always on my side. I'm afraid of sleepless summer nights where you spill your heart out because that's when attatchment comes in. I'm afraid of sleeping in because oversleeping makes you emotional. I'm afraid of losing you again and at the same time I'm afraid that I never will lose you again. I'm afraid of tornadoes and big dogs, and I'm afraid of lying and I'm afraid of telling the truth.
I'm afraid of never amounting to anything but I'm afraid of being the one person everyone looks up to. I'm afraid of losing everything I've worked so hard to achieve and I'm afraid of always having it.
I'm afraid of tommorow.
I'm afraid of dying my hair and I don't want to go to that New Year's Eve party because I'm afraid that I don't have enough self control, especially if he's there.
I'm scared of being drunk and I'm afraid of being sober. I'm afraid of getting high but I'm scared that I'll never smoke again. I'm scared of failure and I'm scared of succeeding.
I'm scared of kissing. I'm scared I'll never kiss again.

Ask me again what I'm scared of.

I'm afraid of you.

HAPPY EiGHTEENTH. MAKE iT COUNT.

Tommorow is your eighteenth birthday.

I hope it's good.

It's funny, I always thought that I'd be beside you when it happened.

But I mean, hey.

Your first love isn't forever.

Feelings change.

Just like the seasons.

I guess summer is my season.

That's okay, it's always been my favorite out of them all.

I hope that your birthday is amazing.

Come on, we both know that I won't be saying it in person.

We both know we're not like that.

I hope it's amazing.

Maybe you don't deserve it, but people are crazy.

Especially me.

Especially because I still love you.

Maybe not in the same way, but I still do.

So have a happy birthday.

I hope that eighteen is everything it was meant to be for you.

...SORRY ABOUT THAT.

It hasn't been that long since we drank to the sunset
Until it was gone and down with it our pain and our fear....
As we slowly broke contact more and more with every beer
And we passed out in each other's arms both admitting we'd never felt better
Never felt so warm
But awoke in each other's eyes
Without wearing a stitch of clothing we were both deeply in disguise
And maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me
It seems like it's been so long since we kissed through the darkness until it was dawn
Up with it came our pain and fear that we'd already lost each other
We both knew that the end was near
Maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken hearted
In my own special selfish way
And if I hadn't set aside the fact that you were broken hearted
Hell knows where your heart would be today
Maybe with me
Maybe with me

i'M BORED, SHUTUP.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. Kate
2. Katey?
3. Kitten

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. partingshots
2. ragged-glory
3. triple6


THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i like my hair, because it is long and fun to flip around.
2. i like that I read the entire fifth Harry Potter book in less than ten hours last summer
3. i like... um... that I'm emo. Yeah, that's right. Emo power.


THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i'm obsessive compulsive about EVERYTHING
2. i''m only a perfectionist sometimes
3. how nobody takes me seriously because i used to be different


THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. British
2. Ukrainian
3. That's it.


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being fat
2. Jenn
3. Breaking my foot

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. madeleine
2. something to read//write//watch
3. music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Uggs
2. pink hoodie
3. jeans


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
1. Jimmy Eat World
2. Bright Eyes
3. Neil Young

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Kill- Jimmy Eat World
2. Are You Passionate- Neil Young
3. Lover I Don't Have To Love- Bright Eyes


THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. learn how to do a bicycle kick
2. get in a fistfight with a girl instead of a guy
3. get my learners

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Likes me for me and never tries to change me
2. Fun.Not too serious too fast.
3. Devotion


TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. My dad's yelling at me
2. No matter what I say I still adore him
3. I miss the other him a lot.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1.Eyes, eyes, eyes
2. Bum. ;)
3. Clothes *so im superficial. kill me.


THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Be graceful off the dance floor (aka when I'm not doing ballet or something)
2. Get my learners
3. Get over him

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Soccer
3. Dance

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Watch Rocky Horror
2. Go shopping
3.Make out with someone

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Photography would be amazing
2. Interior decorator
3. Own a record label

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. England
2. Barbatos
3. Maryland *i don't know either. just popped into my head


THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Arianette
2. Blaire (girl)
3. Steven

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married
2. Have sex with a rockstar *i'm kidding i think
3. Become well known for something

AM i NOT THE ONE THAT HURTS, AM i NOT THE ONE THAT BLEEDS?

So here I am making a life for myself out of notes backdated to New Year's Eve of last year... taken out of a battered shoebox that looks kind of how my heart and head feel tonight. Because you're sending me hearts and headaches as hard as you can tonight, just to make me remember that I'm not the one you see when you close your eyes.
JANUARY 11TH 2004
And the moon has never shone as brightly as it is tonight, and it makes me wonder whose heart have I broken this year? What have I done to make the moon shine as hard as it is, because I can see it on my floor. I can't stop if you can't start, and I've never seen the moon shine as brightly as it is tonight. I tried to make it okay and I even tried to make it stop but hey, what can you do. Smile, because a breaking heart makes the prettiest smile of all.
I mean, come on.Your heart is only shattered into a thousand pieces. It can't be that bad. Stop acting like you're so emo. I can't read between the lines, and you know I've never been good at it, so why would you start now? Pick yourself up off the floor. A hangover isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. And besides, the only way to get rid of a hangover is to never be sober. Keep that in mind. You can never get hung over, if you never stop drinking. So tonight I can't stop myself, more because I just don't want to than because I know I should.

You take your clothes off right after school, the tea is on, the flame is blue. You hope this won't take all afternoon. The tv's waiting to talk to you, it's your naked body on white velour but there's no feeling, just weight on you. You get nauseous now as he speaks to you- such proper language for acts so cruel. He says "We all follow the rules, we can't very well break them, now, can we? For you, your older sisters, I've had them too. But, you're my favorite, you know it's true, you look like your mother in that thin disguise. Your parting mouth, your shutting eyes. And the way that you hate me and the length of your hair, it's the reason I made you, it's the bond that we share. You see, we're all trying to endure. You could easily go and make your own life somewhere, couldn't you?" And you keep your eyes shut, get to school on time, where you're a bag of warm fluid, where you're the corpse in the class. You walk so near to the lockers, you lay so low in the grass. Did you get that cut from the principal? Did you get that bruise on the bus? You should wash your hair more, you should look more like us. I saw you walking under powder blue skies. You looked cold still, your color was high, and I tried to talk to you but you walked right by. I don't know which I said then, hello or goodbye, you know, we're all trying to be pure. But it isn't a very easy thing now, is it? To do?

i WiSH A BOY LOVED ME AS MUCH AS THAT ONE LOVES MADELEiNE.

-Patrick- says:
oui, la seule chose est que puisse que nous somme passé à travers de beaucoup ensemble et tout sa que le moment ou je la demande de sortir avec moi devrait etre tres speciale et inoubliable, et je n'ait pas d'idée quoi faire

iN YOUR DARKEST TiME iT'S jUST ENOUGH TO KNOW iT'S THERE.

Last night was hellish. I hated it.
Enough of that. Madeleine gets her braces off today. We're trying to do a stupid, STUPID take home religion exam and i hate it. Tyler and Amanda are doing my math homework though so that is very good.
Anyways.
"They say that love is always there. In your darkest time it's just enough to know it's there."
So last night he said to me "Kate, you know that he doesn't like you for you, right? He only likes you for sexual reasons."
Shot to the heart.
But hey, what isn't these days?

AND WE KiSSED iN THE RAiN AS THE SKY FELL iN.

Good morning, december twelfth two thousand and four. This is the only december twelfth that there will be this year.
Yesterday was december eleventh. That means that it has been a year and four months. Strangely, I don't mind half as much as I used to.
This is just to get the first entry out of the way and I am in no mood to be introspective.
<3

MAKiNG OUT WiTH DESPERATE DAYS

This is the soundtrack to saying goodbye. We are making out with desperate days, so turn the volume up high (you love it). God bless repeat/play nights, heartbreaks and fights, and all the pretty kids with the tired tired eyes sitting out parties to be with your headphones. Reciting your last words and writing your last notes. This is the soundtrack to saying goodbye, for feeling cold like December in the middle of July (so fuck it). We are dead flowers, pocket change -me forcing smiles- so tragic baby. We are the depressed, future heartbreakers, and this is how we sound. Sometimes I just want to fade away, with no goodbyes... or anything. I slept right through the yesterdays cause everybody was in my way. This is the soundtrack to saying goodbye, we are dropping coings into dead payphones to hear the sound of our voice, just to know we're alone. And it's beyond me why people couldn't see we were the true meaning of beauty. Humming "love" with stitches in our hands. So young, I broke a wall with my hand, that broke a heart with a pen. So young, I was singing "love" in my head... And if you know what I know then you know that love is dead. We were born just to fade away, with no goodbyes or anything. We slept right through the yesterdays cause everybody was in our way. Goodbye my loves, you can have my heart. This is volume three of our tragedy.