AM i NOT THE ONE THAT HURTS, AM i NOT THE ONE THAT BLEEDS?

So here I am making a life for myself out of notes backdated to New Year's Eve of last year... taken out of a battered shoebox that looks kind of how my heart and head feel tonight. Because you're sending me hearts and headaches as hard as you can tonight, just to make me remember that I'm not the one you see when you close your eyes.
JANUARY 11TH 2004
And the moon has never shone as brightly as it is tonight, and it makes me wonder whose heart have I broken this year? What have I done to make the moon shine as hard as it is, because I can see it on my floor. I can't stop if you can't start, and I've never seen the moon shine as brightly as it is tonight. I tried to make it okay and I even tried to make it stop but hey, what can you do. Smile, because a breaking heart makes the prettiest smile of all.
I mean, come on.Your heart is only shattered into a thousand pieces. It can't be that bad. Stop acting like you're so emo. I can't read between the lines, and you know I've never been good at it, so why would you start now? Pick yourself up off the floor. A hangover isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. And besides, the only way to get rid of a hangover is to never be sober. Keep that in mind. You can never get hung over, if you never stop drinking. So tonight I can't stop myself, more because I just don't want to than because I know I should.