I'm a goddamn fake. And a whore.

Lately I've found myself reaching for the so-called straws. I spend so much time trying to be perfect, or at least perfectly wrecked in that flawlessly controlled way. I got my nails done today even though it hurts like a bitch and is a damn inconveinience when you consider my job, soccer, school, even just typing, not to mention the upkeep and the nails themselves are expensive.
It's kind of silly, but as I spent a good hour and a half in the manicurist's chair while she sawed away at my poor nails, I got really annoyed at myself. Gel nails-- (because god forbid anyone wear acrylic, that's just cheap) with two overlays, airbrushing and french tips, about 70$. Not bad. Then, if I'm lucky these will last three or four weeks. 15$ fill-in while they grow out, twice most likely, so that's 100$ on my nails in a month. Then the pain of pulling them off, and we start all over again. And when they pull the gel off my nails? They're so shredded and ragged and torn apart that I pretty much HAVE to cover them with more fakes to make my hands look semi-presentable. It's a vicious cycle. It's the same with my hair. WHAT WE MAKE WE BREAK. Fake pretty for a bit. And it's not just about hair and nails, it's about everything. We reinvent ourselves according to how we think we should be. Flawless? Or flawlessly wrecked?
There's the neverending checklist of ways you could be better. Right now I feel as fake as the double-glossed double gel overlay attacking my nails and the mahogany color I dyed my hair a few months ago.
Time for a change.
Blonde?